A Russian Remedy
by TypewritingFangirl
Summary: Latvia catches a cold. Everyone has different ways of curing it, but Ivan thinks the Russian way is the best. One-shot, cute-Soviet-family-ness, written too late at night...


**I can't sleep because of my stupid cold, so I wrote this instead. A little one-shot exploration into various Baltic/Russian cold remedies, written at silly hours of the morning from the universe of ABBC (my one AM Russia is so sweet, even if I do say so myself :')...) It's certainly not the finest thing ever written, but come here for your cold cures!**

* * *

A horrendous noise woke Ivan up on that dark October afternoon.

He had not been napping, obviously. The personification of Mother Russia does not need an after-dinner nap, after all.

Well, not most of the time.

It was around four PM according to the pocket watch he kept tucked within the folds of his great scarf - a pocket watch that had not been serviced since 1835 at least - and as he sat up with a heavy yawn he heard the dreadful noise again. A cacophony. An earthquake. A nuclear explosion...

Could it possibly be...  
A sneeze?

"Who is doing that?" He growled blearily, having sloped down to the living room and source of the noise.

To his surprise, he saw Latvia miserably slumped on the sofa, being dosed by a worried-looking Lithuania. The brunet jumped when Ivan entered. Estonia, sat writing apology letters to the various leaders Russia had recently put in hospital (there were no disagreements Mr. Pipe couldn't handle) also gave a start. Latvia just sneezed again, shaking the ornaments and medals that adorned the mantelpiece.

"For a person of smallness, your sneeze is certainly loud!" Russia looked slightly impressed, patting his tiny charge on the head. "You must teach me to sneeze like that!"

"Toris, how many times do I have to tell you, there is no cure for the common cold." Estonia looked up from his writing - he had strayed from the study because he hadn't lit a fire in there and his hands had begun to turn blue at the desk. "Even nations catch colds. He will just have to wait for it to get better on its own. Or, you know, use proper medicine. From a place called a... Chemist? Possibly?"

His sarcasm, as always, was wasted on the others.

"I have been taking this honey spiced liqueur for as long as I can remember," the Lithuanian said steadfastly, coming towards a squirming Raivis with a heaped medicine spoon. "Open your mouth. It will help, honestly."

Ivan looked at the boy with pity. He had also been dosed by Lithuania in the past, and found it to be a deeply unpleasant experience. Giving Latvia a glance which meant to say: "I will save you!", he lifted the boy up and ducked under Lithuania's outstretched arm. The viscous gloop in the spoon wobbled. Russia winced.

"But Mr. R-Russia, I-"

"It is fine. I have many ways of making little _Latviya_ feel better. You clearly do not know how to treat colds, Toris. You do not even have any garlic!"

"...Hungary stole all the garlic on her last visit; she said she was using it to ward off Romania," Estonia reminded them, flexing his strained hand. Ten more letters to go...

"Then she is silly. Everyone knows garlic is for warding off the colds!"

With that, he strolled out of the room despite Lithuania's weak protests. Latvia felt too ill to complain, and was so glad to have avoided the medicine spoon he thought he could even put up with Mr. Russia's scary company.

He was wrong.

Sneezing again, he actually made the tall Russian jump about a foot in the air. His head hit a light fixture, and he spend the next minute or so hopping about yelling obscenities, rattling Latvia's already rattled bones and making his pounding head pound even more. Hanging upside down, he let out a little whine, and Russia finally stopped.

"I am sorry. I forgot."

Walking into the kitchen, he placed the dizzy boy on the counter and started rifling through the cupboards. Butter, honey, milk... He threw it all into a saucepan and turned up the heat, humming to himself.

"This is a recipe I invented a long time ago. It helps chase colds away. Also nightmares. If you add poison, also scary sisters."

Latvia immediately felt even less comfortable.

"And... Vodka for taste." Russia upended a bottle into the mix, and quickly took it off the heat, pouring the concoction into a large mug.

"Now you must drink it all at once, _da_?"

"D- All... All of it?" Latvia croaked, looking at the unrealistically huge cup. He felt certain he could sail some of Sealand's toy ships in there.

"All of it." Russia nodded. "Or it will not work."

Latvia shakily picked up the mug, and tried his best to gulp it all down. It was surprisingly tasty, and he managed almost every last drop before he had to take a breath.

"It will do," Russia shrugged. "Now you will go to bed, and will not argue like Toris does, or Mr. Pipe will argue back. Mr. Pipe always wins his arguments, little _Latviya_."

Latvia had no intention of arguing. He shivered, and wished that he were back at home, drinking Riga Black Balsam in his tea and recovering from his illness in his own way. However, it couldn't be helped; his eyelids were drooping, and he was asleep before Russia reached the top of the stairs. Ivan had decided that although mighty personifications of Mother Russia did not take naps, maybe small personifications with colds could take them every now and again.

"Oh! I forgot to ask the little _Latviya_ how to sneeze like he does!" He exclaimed in dismay as he walked back in on the other Baltics. "He is asleep now, all wrapped up like a cute baby corpse..." He grinned.

Why Ivan always had to use the worst similes, neither Baltic knew. They decided to ignore his grim turn of phrase, sitting by the fire and watching it flicker into the evening, Lithuania and Russia lighting their pipes and Estonia flicking through his book.

A peaceful evening, for once. A calm evening, at last, with the smell of honey and milk still filtering in from the-

Estonia broke into racking coughs.

"Oh no, not again..."

"I TOLD YOU THAT WE NEEDED THE GARLIC!"

* * *

 **~ I'm sure Lithuania's honey spiced liqueur is nice, but we all know that anything served on a medicine spoon is automatically horrifying.**

 **~ A larger proportion of Estonians now use pharmacy cures rather than home-grown remedies like the others.**

 **~ Russia would like to inform everyone that he does not poison Belarus with cold medicine. Often.**

 **~ Latvia's cure was Riga Black Balsam, an alcoholic drink which apparently 'cures everything'**

 **~ Garlic Therapy is apparently commonly used in Russian households to ward off colds. And Hungary would steal their garlic for such a purpose.**

 **This was dumb. But it made me feel better. And I'm going to go find some honey, butter and milk to cure myself with.**


End file.
